Language can inspire, motivate and express love; it can also incite to riot, paralyze with fear, humiliate, and alienate.

I find it fascinating that a simple series of letters strung together from a small collection of 26 can be arranged in various configurations to form unique sounds that have the power to build up or tear down.

I’m sure you’ve got plenty of examples where a word or phrase landed you in dire circumstances. And, what about “bad” words, the ones that make us gasp when we hear them roll off the tongue of a child or stir up emotions of anger, exclusion, hate, or disgust.

The thoughts we think and the words we speak create our experiences.
Louise L. Hay

Let’s consider a few words that when paired with core negative beliefs can strip us of our agency, constrain our process of self-discovery, and make our lives more difficult to navigate.

The words that we can thrive without are ‘should,’ ‘shouldn’t,’ ‘can’t,’ ‘never’ and ‘always.’ Each one, perfectly capable of wreaking all kinds of havoc.

Our conversations with ourselves and others are peppered with shoulds, shouldn’ts, and can’ts. I should have my life together by now; I should retire because it’s going to be too hard to get another job in this field at my age; I shouldn’t take advantage of this opportunity because I would have to relocate and my family would be disappointed; as a caretaker, I shouldn’t be concerned with taking care of myself because they’ll think I’m being selfish; I hate this job but I can’t quit; I can’t be a burden on my family; and so on.

Challenge: For one week, pay close attention to the number of times you use should, shouldn’t and can’t.

Ask yourself, “Why?”

One of my favorite exercises in Louise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life is the “I Should, Exercise.” She encourages her new clients to compose a list of about five or six statements that begin with “I should.” As they read each statement, she asks them, “Why?”

Asking “why” brings a whole new sense of awareness to our shoulds and shouldn’ts. In most cases, you find that you are doing or not doing something because someone else said you should or shouldn’t. No wonder you’re unhappy! A life filled with shoulds and shouldn’ts is a life that isn’t yours.

Apparently, what you want or don’t want is wrong. How dare you consider what makes you happy. When you ask yourself, “What do I really, really, really want;” now you’re getting somewhere.

Using should and shouldn’t can be directive, accusatory, limiting, and an easy way to avoid personal responsibility - sure you can blame someone else for your choices, but isn’t that giving your power away? In doing so you put others in the driver’s seat. Why limit yourself?

A great alternative to the word should is the word could. Try it! Rather than “I should [...],” you can say, “I could […] or I could [...],” Now there’s a choice. And, choice leaves the door open to other possibilities.

Isn’t having a choice wonderful?

Then, there’s that pesky word can’t. Use of the word can’t can also be limiting. There are times when others push the word can’t on us, but we know how to play this self-limiting game all by ourselves.

If when responding with “I can’t” you mean “I won’t” then perhaps you simply don’t want to do what’s in question. However, if your first response is can’t, implying that you are incapable, it’s too hard, or even impossible, try asking instead, “how can I”? Asking “how can I,” also keeps the door to possibilities and opportunities wide open.

If you think you can do it, or you think you can’t do it,
you are right. - Henry Ford

As far as “never” and “always” is concerned, great care can be taken with these words as well. There is an implication of finality and absoluteness, which seems to slam the door to possibility, opportunity, and change.

When you say never, is what you’re saying true? “He never listens to me.” Really? Never? “I’m always late.” Is that true? It’s a simple matter of choice, possibility and opportunity.

Knowing and understanding that words have tremendous power, and that the words we speak coupled with the thoughts we think create our experiences gives us much to mentally munch on.

Changing our shoulds to coulds and our can’ts to how can I may seem like simple adjustments that won’t make a difference. Test it out for yourself. Make the shift.

Doesn’t a life filled with choice, possibility and opportunity provide so much more flexibility, potential, and access as you move forward?

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Pressure, worry, overwhelm, stress, anxiety — whatever you label it, that heavy weight can press down from all sides.

Some of us feel it from time to time, some more often, others carry it for years.

For many, the idea that someone could endure such a burden for so long is hard to imagine, but it happens, often because they’re not aware of their innate ability to say, “Enough—I won’t allow this anymore.”

Physical symptoms—lost sleep, chronic discomfort, even serious illness—can often be traced back to this inner tension.

Experts and writers have dissected this for years, but the conversation hasn’t led to lasting change.

Why does it persist?

The truth is: we all have the power to interrupt this pattern, but for most of us, it comes down to recognizing we can choose differently.

We can let worry drain us, channel it into something positive, or deliberately refuse to let it take over.

Letting it drag us down is common. It doesn’t really matter what form the pressure takes; what matters is how depleted it makes us feel. We can spend energy worrying about things beyond our control, or fret endlessly about what steps to take when a single, simple action might restore peace and strength.

Many familiar sayings capture this trap:

• Worry bankrupts the spirit.

• Worry is a misuse of imagination.

• Fear is worry magnified.

• Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.

• 97% of the things you worry about don’t even happen.

• Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.

• Our fatigue is often caused not by work, but by worry, frustration and resentment.

Instead, why not pivot and channel that energy instead?

Do some cleaning. Tackle that organization job you’ve been putting off. Take those clothes to Goodwill that you’ve had stacked in the corner for the last six months. Go for a walk. Take a power nap. Do one small thing that moves you out of stagnation.

Or, listen to it. What is it actually saying to you? What are you fearing or avoiding? What do you really want to say no to, but are afraid? Trying to please someone when you need to stand your ground? Running yourself ragged in search of approval? What would it mean to slow down and breathe? What if you prioritize your own wellbeing, even for a moment?

Much of the heaviness you feel relates to an unwillingness to honor your own needs. Whether it involves taking care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually.

But when you find the courage to say YES to what you need, and NO when necessary, the worry starts to dissipate, the pressure starts to fade—and relief becomes possible.

What would change in your life if you said “no” to just one source of pressure today?

If life feels heavy and you don’t know where to turn, let’s connect—let’s have a judgment-free chat and work through it together. Share a comment or message.

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A report from nonprofit organization FAIR Health ((dated April 29, 2024) found that the percentage of patients with mental health diagnoses increased across all age groups, with the largest increase seen in those age 65 and older.

This seems to align with other research that reports the prevalence and increase of mental health conditions since the start of the pandemic.

Now, more than at any time in human history we’re tirelessly studying these states of being, seemingly with little to no success as the number of those who are chronically afflicted is reportedly rising. What have we sacrificed in the name of progress that’s led to this dilemma?

I’m curious about proposed solutions, from science to woo-woo and that in between. I’ve even conducted my own experiments when I succumb to emotional eating, passive viewing, or simmering in the slow cooker of anxiety, stress, or sadness. I’ve engaged in soul retreats, a 10-day silent meditation retreat, deep breathing exercises, and more, all of which have introduced Eastern and Western techniques, some of which have become staple practices.

In many shamanic societies, if you came to a medicine person complaining of being disheartened, dispirited, or depressed, they would ask one of four questions: When did you stop dancing? When did you stop singing? When did you stop being enchanted by stories? When did you stop finding comfort in the sweet territory of silence?
- Gabrielle Roth

And, because the above quote is posted on the wall in my office, I ask those questions often and act based on what resonates at that time (dance through the house, take a Zumba class, sing loudly to a favorite song in the car, find a captivating movie to watch or book to read, actively listen to someone’s story, take a meditative walk, or sit quietly on the porch).

Before my experimental efforts, I embraced the “fake it ‘til you make it” mantra and put on a happy face to mask my inner absence of ease. That didn’t work, my emotional state didn’t care about my happy face, it had something to say and I was refusing to listen.

What I’ve learned that’s been most effective for me is to observe and get curious. When I feel it coming on, I just experience it moving through me without wrestling with it; it’s never still, it’s always moving and shifting. Often I’ll write in my journal, ‘What do I need to know?’ or ‘What do I need right now?’ Eventually, it passes through and leaves an answer for which I’m always grateful.

This commitment to observing has taught me much about my inner life and I can now say that I’ve made peace with these states of being. We’re not going to rid ourselves of stress, anxiety, and sadness; they are not our enemies. What we can do is learn to dance and harmonize with them.

Remember the scene in the Pixar animated film, Inside Out, that explores our emotions, where Joy drags Sadness through the character’s long-term memory? How brave of them to take on such a heavy topic in such a brilliant way. It always conjures a smile; I highly recommend it if you haven’t watched it.

What we’ve learned through it all is that we can’t successfully navigate our lives without these emotions and feelings. The good news is that they visit but they don’t linger indefinitely. I’ve found that the process of allowing has significantly reduced the number of visits and shortened their duration.

What you resist persists. Moving to a place of acceptance eases suffering.

Sara Avant Stover’s “The Book of SHE: Your Heroine's Journey into the Heart of Feminine Power,” is filled with wisdom and healing practices to this end, and a rich male conversation on the topic of inner well-being, presented by Uninterrupted Soul Training, is another powerful place to start.

Keep the above questions in mind, and act on them. They can be powerful solutions!

Do you allow or effort through these kind of emotional periods? What are your thoughts about this quote? Share a comment or message me below.

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so, i had a conversation recently with a passionate young lady, classified as a millennial. it was a short & fascinating chat about social media presence, influence, change & mindset, namely mine, as someone much older.

i shared that i really couldn’t care less about number of followers & that i was content with allowing my account to grow organically without focusing on any particular quantitative goal. I’m pretty sure her intention was to change my mind on this, so i listened to her case for why setting goals in this area is a good thing.

content: pleased and satisfied with what one has or is

as an on-the-fence-gen xer/baby boomer, i didn’t experience the Internet & social media platforms growing up, they didn’t dictate our existence (i typically claim under conversation duress the gen x label as i refuse to embrace baby boomer because my mom was a baby boomer - she had me at the tender age of 16).

average: being about midway between extremes

although gen zers are the true social media natives/digital natives having never known a world without social media platforms, millennials are also considered social media natives/digital natives since they were the first generation to adopt social media as youth.

enough: equal to the demands or needs

this simply means we see the world through different social & cultural lenses. most of the time i forget there are a few decades between us.

mediocre: of medium or low quality.

all of this made me wonder: why and how did caring so much about followers or becoming an influencer on social media, become the gold standard, leaving the rest of us slugs to navigate through life as ordinary, average, and mediocre, at best?

ordinary: of common quality, rank, or ability; neither good nor bad

first of all, that’s a hell of a lot of pressure, which is why (i’ve concluded) so many young people are stressed out, constantly competing for attention online, obsessed with how many “followers” they have, how many “likes” their posts get, and how to “blow up” or “go viral.” life is played out on a, basically, 6 ½” x 3” smart phone screen. being stressed out is actually on the lighter end of the emotionally & mentally unhealthy continuum, as it can get much worse.

simple: free from complexity or difficulty

i get it, it’s become the primary path to getting eyes on you & what you’re creating, selling, promoting, etc. like my previous substack on the subject of legacy, there’s the pressure to do something that gets you noticed, that changes the world, always striving for that next - big hairy audacious goal (BHAG), stretch goal, north star goal, transformational goal - the idea is to keep improving yourself.

i don’t remember my parents or hearing stories about their parents or stories about their parents constantly striving for the next big goal, always obsessing about how to improve themselves. they were focussed on acquiring what they needed to navigate through each day.

life was simpler, yes & i wonder: is there something wrong with that?

i would argue that life under the canopy of constant goal setting is what’s at the heart of this persistent stress level, anxiety, depression & other mental & emotional challenges.

i partner, daily, with clients from teens to retirees & beyond & guess who shares more about experiencing anxiety, stress, overwhelm, burnout, imposter syndrome & pressure to perform at a high level, millennials and gen zers. don’t get me wrong, every generation experiences the above in some form, especially in today’s workplaces, it’s just human, but i’m spotlighting who most often expresses having heightened challenges in these areas.

shortly after this convo while catching up on email, the article, mediocrity is meaningful: the case for living an average life, dropped into my inbox. i saw the title, smiled & thought “how timely,” then i dived in. i like this article.

now, i’m contemplating what IS average, what IS enough, what IS mediocre, what IS simple, what IS ordinary, what IS being content, who gets to decide, why do they get to decide & what’s wrong with any or all of these concepts or ways of being?

i suppose this touched a nerve because, ultimately, this is a personal decision, one that needn’t be judged or critiqued by anyone who is only privy to what they observe & are privileged to know. we have no clue about anyone’s internal life accept our own & in many cases, that could probably be questioned.

so, isn’t it up to that person to decide what kind of life they want to create without being judged, ostracized, constantly questioned, or pressured to feel guilty or less than.

personally, i have an insatiable desire to learn, grow & shift, but that’s me. are we all wired in this way? apparently not. are the differences in how we’re wired always evident? no. do these differences mean something is wrong? no, it just means we’re wired differently.

It’s up to us as individuals to decide what kind of life we want to create & how we go about doing so.

and, it is possible to build a life full of happiness & purpose without wanting to change the world.

perhaps it’s just a matter of how we interpret all of this. is being average, content with what you have & who you are, deciding what’s enough, being OK with mediocrity, accepting the ordinary & living a simple life a bad thing, or just a choice we’re all empowered to make?

i don’t know about you, but i’m all about respecting each one’s choice to do with their gift of life whatever they choose. i’m talking about adults, here, with free will & agency. if you’re not harming anyone (which doesn’t include the mental & emotional discomfort some may experience while observing someone’s choices) you get to choose the life that’s the right fit for you.

going back to the article, i’m totally aligned with the perspective it takes, “we’re offering a different perspective on the concept — the idea that your impact on others and your value to the world can be exceptional even if they don’t involve hitting high societal benchmarks.”

it’s about freeing yourself from comparison & the opinions & judgements of others. your value is not up for debate; you have nothing to prove to anyone.

“an average life can still be a magnificent one.” this seems to be in the eye of the beholder, eh?

just my scribbles in the margins . . .

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jay shetty posted the following on his Instagram on june 15th. just over a couple of weeks prior, on may 26, 2025, he gave the commencement speech at princeton university and referenced it. i’ve CAPITALIZED the words i want to emphasize as part of this scribble in the margins.

if you do what YOU want, they’ll misunderstand you.

if you do what THEY want, they’ll misunderstand you.

if you speak up, you’re TOO MUCH.

if you STAY QUIET, you’re distant.

if you set boundaries, you’re SELFISH.

if you don’t, you’re a DOORMAT.

if you succeed, you’ve CHANGED.

if you STRUGGLE you’re not doing enough.

if you show emotion, you’re DRAMATIC.

if you don’t, you’re COLD.

if you WALK AWAY, you’re the villain.

if you stay, they’ll keep CROSSING THE LINE.

the truth: you’ll be misunderstood NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO.

so you might as well be misunderstood for DOING WHAT YOU LOVE.

isn’t it weird how we all get stuck in the belief that it’s just us who has to deal with this? EVERYONE feels misunderstood OFTEN. i felt misunderstood at least five times before noon today.

in our own homes, at work, at play, when we’re exchanging money for services, i don’t think there’s one place we find ourselves where we aren’t misunderstood.

so why do we get all bent out of shape when this happens? why do we keep going round and round as human beings about this?

as a life and career coach, i partner with people on a daily basis who feel misunderstood about what they want to contribute for compensation. they’re anxious, uncertain, afraid to say what they really want, they hesitate to explain themselves for fear of being shut down, and they stay miserable because they don’t want to be misunderstood.

same in the workplace. we interact with others who have expectations of us. we dance around the truth, fail to state what is and then feel misunderstood after making this choice.

same in our relationships. we argue, share our opinions, over explain, get frustrated, curse, throw shade, refuse to listen in protest, [fill in the blank].

i’m as guilty as anyone. and, i’m trying to shift this crap.

is there a remedy? I think it’s acceptance, love, and conscious choice.

accept that we all are misunderstood multiple times per day. and, when we feel misunderstood, consider the source and if it’s warranted, just say that so it can be addressed instead of pouting, complaining, and being a victim.

lovingly communicate well with those who deserve those extra words and time. and, when we struggle to communicate well, be vulnerable and share that we’re wrestling with the words that will get our message across, and humbly ask for their listening ear and be willing to provide ours.

in those cases when we don’t have a listening ear from someone who we desperately want to understand us but instead they choose to judge, dismiss, hold on to their misunderstanding, fill in the gaps with their version of the story, [fill in the blank], just accept it, and as mel robbins so simply states in her latest book, “let them” then “let me [you]” decide our next ‘just right’ step and move forward.

consciously choose what the next ‘just right’ step is for you. will that mean you’ll be misunderstood? absolutely. but you have to keep moving forward, consciously living “your life,” the next best version of it. moving forward is not dependent on whether we are understood by others or not. we’re all born with a purpose and the permission and power to choose what lights us up!

we have to be OK with being misunderstood for what we said, what we did, what we desire to do, what we love to do. the alternative is simply a waist of our precious time, energy, effort and resources.

is this easy? NO. is it possible? ABSOLUTELY.

there’s so much more to unpack from his words above, but i’ll end here knowing that this entire post will be misunderstood.

just my scribbles in the margins . . .

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I recently led a book club focused on longevity that included the discussion question:

What legacy do you want to leave behind for future generations?

I was curious how the topic of legacy - what we leave behind after we’re gone - would be interpreted by members of our small group. No one enthusiastically leaned into this concept. We all seemed to feel it was mostly a luxury for the rich and famous to obsess over.

Ultimately, we all seemed to agree that it can be an unwelcome concept swaddled in a weighted blanket of unwanted pressure (totally my description 😃).

For the average person in their 20s, 30s, and 40s the focus seems to be on building and maintaining a life for yourself or for you and your family (if you decide to form one) that includes acquiring necessities and successfully navigating the daily ins and outs - setting up a home, making sure there’s enough food and clothing for all concerned, ensuring that everyone is safe, setting aside a little money and time for fun and recreation (when there’s a surplus), and making sure your kids (if you decide to have them) receive a solid education, resources, and the basics to reproduce the same.

What say you? Do you think the majority have enough interest, time, emotional and mental bandwidth, and resources to even consider leaving a legacy?

The concept of legacy is certainly not new, it’s a fundamental aspect of being human, but there seems to be a heightened focus in recent years. I was curious about why.

It seems to be a complex combo of psychological, societal and cultural factors.

• Post-pandemic, there’s a heightened awareness of mortality after grappling with life and death in a more up close and personal way. This makes sense.

• There also seems to be a deeper search for meaning; living in a time of rapid change, social upheaval, and lack of real stability people seek ways to create meaning and a lasting impact. This makes sense, too.

• Generationally, as people move closer to retirement or midlife, they start reflecting on how they’ve influenced family and perhaps society. This also makes sense.

• Popular culture and social media have also had a huge influence. We’re bombarded with messages that include questions like “what kind of footprint will you leave?,” “how will you make your mark?,” and “what are you doing to change the world? This totally makes sense.

For many, the obsession with leaving a legacy is motivated by a fear of being forgotten, thus the need to contribute tangibly through various forms of media, buildings, businesses, etc. and intangibly through influence, traditions, and values. And, there’s also the quest for meaning, and the need to be remembered by loved ones over generations.

Focusing on legacy can be healthy.

If you’re motivated to live with purpose, connection, and truly make it about others and not just you, adopting a more balanced approach that is rooted in what you value and your actions in the present, it can absolutely be healthy.

Can focusing on legacy be unhealthy?

Of course. Balance is key, and anything approached in an obsessive and unbalanced way can be unhealthy.

A preoccupation with feeling like you’re not doing enough can lead to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, burnout or even depression.

It can also lead to an unhealthy focus on the future, sacrificing enjoying the present moment in exchange for an uncertain future reward.

And, it can become ego-driven where the pursuit is recognition and fame, and comparing oneself to others instead of making a real and authentic impact.

As a lean-into-the-present-moment kind of BEing, legacy just isn’t on my radar.
I’m curious if I’m not interested in leaving a legacy because I chose not to have children, or if I chose not to have children because I’ve never been interested in leaving a legacy? I made a decision not to have children as early as eight years old, so I wonder.

After much exploration and experimentation, I now opt to focus on the concept of “completion,” which was also discussed and introduced in this book club (I’ll dissect this in a future post).

For me, “completion” is kind of like legacy’s first cousin. I’ve transitioned from building things solely for myself to contributing in ways that benefit others and serve the highest good, but without overestimating my significance or nurturing grandiose thoughts of changing the world.

The majority of people don’t seem to be interested in, passionate about, or have the resources, recognition or power to take on this enormous challenge.

I’ve always gravitated towards a more micro view. One where I lean into the individual, how to create meaning one person at a time, even one small group at a time, making a loving impact on my community, and connecting and caring for nature and the environment close to home.

I’m content with makin ripples - known and unknown - in the pond. I’ll leave the legacy building to the macro leaning, big hitters, with fat pockets, a broader vision, and a desire to create rogue waves in the ocean!

Does thinking about your legacy inspire you, or does it feel like a burden? Why? Share your thoughts about legacy and where you stand —share a comment or message me below!

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Our gait, or walking pattern, typically changes as we age.

Have you ever noticed yours?

Next time you take a walk, notice your natural posture, speed, foot placement, and how your body feels. Or, have someone walk with you and describe what they observe.

That coordinated movement of the feet, legs, and typically arms, differs for each of us, and is determined by a complex interaction of major parts of the nervous, musculoskeletal and cardiorespiratory systems - not only associated with walking but can also refer to jogging or running.

I was aware of my gait, but I hadn’t really considered its reflection of or impact on my health. That changed when I read Ilchi Lee’s book, I’ve Decided to Live 120 Years, where he introduces the concept of longevity walking. I’ve included a short video.

Why does our gait change as we grow older?

Although gait changes are a normal part of the aging process, it’s important to note that it doesn’t necessarily change for everyone. Muscle weakness, joint stiffness, balance adjustments, and neurological changes are the primary reasons for this change that can also lead to less fluid, slower walking. Our bodies amazingly adapt in an attempt to help us maintain stability and reduce the risk of falling.

What’s the name of the pressure point of focus when longevity walking, and why focus there?

The pressure point is pronounced, Yongquan in Chinese, and Yongchun in Korean, which means “Gushing Spring.” It’s the energy point right beneath the ball of your foot, center. It’s the first point on the kidney meridian that’s considered vital for connecting with earth energy, promoting circulation, and overall vitality.

What are the benefits of walking with your feet in an 11 stance?

Walking with your feet in an “11 stance,” pointed straight ahead and parallel like a number 11, is widely considered a healthy and bio-mechanically sound position for most people. It supports natural alignment of the ankle, knee, and hip joints; promotes better posture throughout the body; allows for a more efficient transfer of force through the legs; and helps deliver weight evenly across feet.

Although many have reported improvements in their sleep, energy, overall lightness in their legs and feet, and more, it is important to experiment with this walking approach yourself after observing your natural gait. Try it out for a period of time - a few days or weeks - and notice how your feet, ankles, legs and hips feel, or any other changes in your body. Remember, this stance is bio-mechanically sound for most people.

Do we really tend to walk more from the heels than toes as we get older, and why?

When we’re young, we tend to push off from the toes more often and effectively. Aging shifts walking mechanics toward heel dominance and less on toe push-off during walking due to muscle weakness, joint stiffness, and balance adaptations. These factors can be addressed through this kind of targeted and mindful walking to help restore more efficient toe push-off.

Is longevity walking scientifically sound in its core advice?

Yes. Longevity walking is consistent with principles associated with physical therapy and Eastern wellness traditions where emphasis is placed on posture, alignment and body awareness to promote health and well-being. It doesn't require any major shifts. You’re simply shifting your weight to the front of your foot, like you did when you were a child.

I’ve been practicing longevity walking for several months and I’m experiencing noticeable results. My stance is stronger since my feet don’t fan out in either direction like they did before, my posture has improved, I have more energy, and my legs feel lighter when I walk.

Again, it is important to experiment with longevity walking to make sure it’s the right approach for you.

Happy longevity walking!

Pay attention to your next walk—do you push off from your toes or heels? Share what you discover in the comments or send me a message below. And, if you found this post helpful, consider subscribing and/or sharing it with a friend who might enjoy it too!

Ever notice how your friend swears by that latest weight loss supplement, but your body just rolls its eyes? Or that trending productivity routine your colleagues are raving about does absolutely nothing for you? Or your sister’s new workout routine seems to have her shrinking, and you, not so much?

What’s up with this?

Well, let’s take a quick exploration into the kaleidoscope of what makes you, you (me, me) —biochemically speaking - where our body's instruction manual is as unique as our Netflix algorithm (or, if you prefer, our Amazon algorithm).

I was only vaguely familiar with the term, bio-individuality when introduced to it last year, so I decided to dive into the latest articles, podcasts, and videos to learn more about who was saying what, why, and to get a feel for the general consensus. And, looking for alternative views, I stumbled upon the video, The Bio-Individuality Myth.

My curiosity, clearly, wasn’t going to be satisfied with the latest blog/video/podcast on bio-individuality, it wanted details about the origin of this concept. So, I bought the book, Biochemical Individuality: The Basis for the Genetotrophic Concept (published in 1956, written by renowned biochemist, Roger J. Williams, Ph.D.), and got busy reading this page-turner, NOT.

(I promise not to get too sciency; not interested in my eyes glazing over either).

I read through the intro, first, and second chapter, skimmed through the next seven, and read chapter nine that focused on ‘Individuality in Nutrition.’ And, concluded that this IS an important read. So much so that it’s become the foundation on which my approach to health and wellness is built.

Dr. Williams observed that at the metabolic level, “we are all as unique as we are in our fingerprints.” He also “described anatomical and physiological variations among people and how they related to their individual responses to the environment.” I also learned that although he was the first to gain recognition for the term, one of the earliest works to discuss biochemical individuality was actually written in 1902 by Archibald E. Garrod, MD.

“There is no such thing as a truly ‘normal’ individual - meaning average. We are all biochemically unique and need to be dealt with as such.” - Jeffrey S. Banks, Ph.D.

“Biochemical relates to the chemical substances and reactions in living organisms, and these can change with environment and health, while genetics refer to the inherited DNA code, which determines how those biochemical processes are set up and regulated.” For a deeper dive, check out, Genetic Testing vs. Biochemical Testing: A Clear Guide to the Differences. Simply put, biochemistry is about the changing chemical activities in our bodies, whereas genetics is about the unchanging DNA blueprint that directs those activities.

This makes SO much sense. There is no such thing as the “average person,” we are all genetically biochemically unique. I’ve always been leery about nutrition and fitness studies prescribing what ‘we all’ should be eating, doing, etc. in very specific ways related to our health and wellbeing. I’m always curious about who they studied, why, when, where, how long, why the data keeps changing, and who’s sharing, promoting and conveniently positioned to benefit from these findings.

“Nutrition is for real people. Statistical humans are of little interest.” - Jeffrey S. Banks, Ph.D.

I’ve come to believe that because we are nature, much of what we need can be intuitively determined when we learn how to listen to our bodies. It requires exploration, experimentation, and a commitment to knowing our bodies well.

Our bodies do speak to us - they sound the alarm when there’s trouble, and purr like an engine when everything is functioning well. Whether it be excruciating pain to mild discomfort, we know when our bodies aren’t happy about what we put into our mouths, breathe in, inject, or apply to our skin.

It’s not just about bad genes. We’re not doomed because of our genetic makeup. Environment and nutrition play a critical role in determining outcomes. Understanding our unique nutritional needs and environmental requirements are part of our optimal health equation. This is great news!

It means that we become our own primary care doctors in partnership with medical practitioners. Not handing over the maintenance and upkeep of our miraculous bodies, the homes that house our radiant and boundless soul/spirit/divine consciousness/spiritual self (or your preferred term) to doctors. Partner with them, yes; give them free rein, nope.

If you want a longer, healthier, more vibrant life, it starts with really knowing yourself—body, mind, and spirit.

There are SO many details to unpack on this topic, but for now, the message is to commit to getting really curious about your own body. Pay attention to reactions, patterns, cycles, and those little aches and pains.

This means exploring and experimenting until you find what works for you. And yes, this goes beyond physical health. Your mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being are all part of your unique blueprint.

Think of yourself as the proud landlord of a state of the art home. Love it. Care for it. Maintain it. Get to know every shift, creak, and purr.

So, what’s the takeaway from this mini tour through the science (and art) of bio-individuality? It’s simple. It’s powerful.

YOU are the only YOU expert!

There’s no copy-paste solution to health, wellness, and vitality. Learn, listen to, and love YOUR body. Your journey is yours alone—messy, beautiful, and uniquely yours.

Embrace your bio-individuality. Stay curious. Be kind to yourself. Keep exploring. Keep experimenting.

May your journey to vitality be as unique, and extraordinary as you are!

What have you discovered about your own bio-individuality? I’d love to hear about your experiments, findings, surprises, alternative perspectives, and realizations —message me below or share in the comments!

Maybe you’ve hit your stride in many ways, but something feels… stuck. You’re ready for more meaning, more energy, more YOU in your next chapter.

The good news? You’re also standing at the perfect starting line for a new adventure.

I’ve worked with countless go-getters at a midlife crossroads who feel exactly this way. In fact, I felt exactly this way a few years ago.

I was caught by surprise when I found myself experiencing a midlife awakening, an unfamiliar awareness of my mortality for the first time.

It solemnly waved at me during Covid. I never experienced getting Covid myself, but a realization of how this virus was impacting people’s lives around the globe was especially sobering, similar to what it was probably like for you and the majority of the world (isn’t that mind-boggling to know that everyone around the world was impacted?).

For me, though there was a deeper unrest simmering beneath the surface, unrelated to the pandemic’s impact.

That summer, I resigned from everything I was participating in (volunteer gigs and personal projects) with the exception of my work coaching teens and young adults experiencing foster care and homelessness, which shifted from in person to virtual. It was wonderful to be able to support them during this time, but I personally felt directionless.

For the first time in my life, I felt like I was sitting on the edge of a precipice with no idea what I wanted to do. I was clear about me, who I was/am, I just didn’t know how to answer, ‘what next?’.

I’m not sure how, but the book Hidden Blessings: Midlife Crisis as a Spiritual Awakening wandered onto my radar in November of that year (when the student is ready, the teacher appears, right!?!). That rich content, along with the online companion course aligned with my essence, challenged my life story at that time, and helped me understand the need for a purposeful shift. It was as if the author wrote it just for me, and I received it with an open mind and heart at just the right time.

In the summer of 2022, I decided to resign from that coaching role. It was a difficult decision, but I no longer had the energetic bandwidth and focus to provide the meaningful support required for this special population. It was also evident that the organization’s and my values were slowly diverging. It simply wasn’t fair to them or to me to continue.

As providence would have it, about two months before resigning this role, another coaching opportunity with more flexibility, autonomy and a new start was offered to me; another right fit at the right time.

In the years that followed, immersing myself in research, exploration, trial and error, mindful meditation, and honest self-reflection allowed me to connect with my inner wisdom in a deeper way and find the clarity I needed to make a more meaningful shift.

Here I am, in 2025, unfolding into my purpose in my second act with a new narrative. I’ve unlearned and learned SO much over the last few years.

I’m looking forward to sharing what I’ve discovered via my life experiments, provoking a little thought, providing similar support, sprinkling some encouragement here and there, suggesting a few proven approaches, and more. My intention is to support others who find themselves at a similar midlife/second act crossroads. I understand!

Aging Holistically Wellness Types Assessment

Earlier this year, after bouncing around several ideas, I designed this fun, quick, simple, insightful tool to help you identify your wellness style and suggestions about what may help you start flourishing now.

🎯 Which of the 10 wellness types will match your vibe?

Check out a few below:

• Transformer: in active transition, navigating significant life changes with courage.

• Explorer: curious, adventurous spirit who thrives on variety and new experiences.

• Visionary: driven by big ideas, future possibilities, and a strong sense of purpose.

• Nurturer: find fulfillment in caring for others and creating supportive environments

👉🏽 Curious? Download the assessment below and discover your type!

Aging Holistically Wellness Types

18.2MB ∙ PDF file

Download

Download

Download

👉🏽 Prefer a reflection/journaling option? Download the Areas of Life Circle!

Simply rate each of the 12 areas of life on a scale of 1-10 (10=totally satisfied, 1=totally unsatisfied), then consider why you landed on each rating, jot down any realizations, questions, etc. using this form or your journal. This can be an effective approach to examine your life holistically and begin making some shifts in your areas of choice, even setting some lightweight goals, adopting new mindsets, etc.

Areas Of Life Circle

2.42MB ∙ PDF file

Download

Download

Ready for a Next Chapter Conversation?

Sometimes, all you need is a single, powerful conversation to get unstuck. That’s where my one-time, 90-minutes, high-impact, micro coaching experience comes in—think of them as a power-up for your next chapter-—no commitment, just clarity and momentum. No need to commit to months of coaching; it may simply take one, laser-focused conversation to break through the fog.

👉🏽 Book your Next Chapter Conversation today!

If you decide that a micro session isn’t enough, select the Next Chapter Conversations Bundle - three, 60-minutes coaching conversations for a deeper dive, short commitment, added support, and an accountability partner.

👉🏽 Book your Next Chapter Conversation Bundle today!

If you have any challenges with scheduling your conversation, connect with me at agingholistically@gmail.com. Here to spark your next big breakthrough!

Anything resonate with you in today’s post? Curious about how embodied development could change your story? Message me below or leave a comment with your thoughts, questions, or your own “next chapter” story.

Last week I spent five full days engaged in a variety of solar body practices that included movement, breathing, visualization and observation - all with the intention of connecting with my body on a deeper level (more yummy details in future posts).

I’ve certainly come to believe after decades of research and experimenting that our lives are what we’ve chosen. From the many religions I’ve studied and the couple I’ve practiced, to spirituality, science, philosophy and more, nothing else makes sense - we choose our life experiences.

Suffice it to say, that also means that the condition of our bodies is the sum of our choices, too. Yes, I know, there’s genetics, the environment, and more that impact our physical condition, but I’ve also discovered that we don’t have to surrender to these outside influences. As the age of our bodies increase, it seems like our options decrease. Nope. We actually have a choice in the matter.

I haven’t always felt this way. So, what changed my thinking?

I started attending classes at a local Body & Brain Yoga and Tai Chi center in August of 2024. The changes I’ve experienced in my body over the last 10 months are unbelievable. I was totally blind-sided, never expected these kinds of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual shifts!

At that time, I was informed my by integrated medical provider that my chi was low. Chi or qi means “air,” “breath,” or “energy” in Chinese. I was simply looking for a way to increase my energy after a long stint of trying to figure out how to address some health issues.

Body & Brain Yoga Tai Chi and Brain Education, started in 1980, in a park in Korea, where Ilchi Lee shared a set of healing exercises with a stroke patient. Others became interested and this practice, which is based on Sundo, a traditional Korean system of mind-body training, combined with other Eastern disciplines, has changed the lives of countless folks, of all ages, around the world.

More recently, I signed up to participate in Solar Body Qigong training, designed to turn on the three switches of our healing mode - feeling your body heat, controlling your breathing, and observing your body and mind. It’s offered as one of there intermediate trainings.

When I learned about this training, it was recommended as a way to better understand and manage challenges with my spine. That’s all I needed to hear to peak my curiosity and delve into the what, why, and how of this training.

I also discovered Lee’s book, The Solar Body: The Secret To Natural Healing. Got it the day before training started, and set a goal to read several pages every morning before heading out for the training.

I was beside myself giggly to “restore my natural healing power and create my own health and happiness like the sun that shines on its own.”

How could I resist learning more about how to better manage the challenges with my body condition, AND find out how to restore my natural healing power, AND dabble in anything that has to do with the sun (I’m such a child of the light, love me some sun); sign me up, this experience delivered!

The day after our training ended, I decided to continue with a private energy balancing/healing session with the instructor, Senior Master ChungSuk, who has been a healer and instructor with Body & Brain for forty years. His approach is focused, to the point, and no nonsense, and the way he exudes love and joy hugged my soul.

My body is still a bit fatigued and sore from the class, and the pressure points that he worked on during my private session are still a bit tender, but the results are undeniable.

I’m stronger, more flexible, and more connected to my body than I’ve ever been. My ability to observe my body, not just seeing the outside differently, but my deeper connection to the inside of my body (my organs and how my body ‘feels’), and my overall ability to be more observant has been fine tuned. I’m calmer and more grounded. And, I’m certain that some of those years of mileage on this beautiful, miraculous body have been reversed.

I’m so grateful for this experience, both the training and the personal energy balancing/healing session. Everything feels different, in the most beautiful way. I was totally open to the experience and can’t wait to further digest what I learned. And, I’m committed to incorporating a combo of the techniques, movements, and approaches into my daily practice.

From body tapping, to the most simple but challenging movements, to breathing practices, to meditation, and more, I’ve got SO many options as I reflect on which ones to experiment with and incorporate. I can certainly alter, switch and swap out regularly to keep it challenging and fresh, but I’m committed to a “practice.”

We have way more control over the condition of our mind, body and spirit than we realize.

I want to spend the rest of time on this amazing planet, in this imperfect and miraculous body I call my home, radiating love, joy, and gratitude, and living a vibrant life filled with vitality and purpose. After exploring the Solar Body Method, I’m convinced that it will continue to play a major role in helping me do all of this, and more, regardless of my lifespan!

“There is a life-force within your soul, seek that life . There is a gem in the mountain of your body, seek that mine. O traveler, if you are in search of that, don't look outside, look inside yourself and seek that.” - Rumi

Anything resonate with you in today’s post? Curious about how embodied development could change your story? Message me below or leave a comment with your thoughts, questions, or your own “second act” story. And if you’re craving more support, inquire about a complimentary ‘get to know you’ session. Your next chapter can start right now, the next move is yours!

‘Aging Holistically’ reminds me to approach my second act with a curiosity that doesn’t simply zoom in, but zooms out and grasps the bigger picture of this inevitable journey from birth to death - from learning to building to contribution to completion.

I see the world as one big laboratory, life as one big experiment, and myself a master explorer/experimenter.

Just like I’ve been on a quest, since I was at least 8 years old, to figure out how to expand happiness beyond the current circumstance. Now, I’m on a quest to figure out how to ride this aging wave (take a deep breath) consciously, curiously, honestly, joyfully, playfully, purposefully, guided by wisdom, ready to contribute and be utilized for good, gratitude overflowing, with lots of laughter and dancing, and with no BS.

I’ve cultivated a unique and meaningful lifestyle initiative that encourages personal exploration and provides support for go-getters in their second act on their journey to wholeness and completion (more about these in future posts), which is at the heart of Aging Holistically.

I’ll focus on self-healing; intuitive eating and gentle nutrition; mindful and intentional movement; social connections; mental and spiritual well being; a work-life that’s meaningful and satisfying; and much more that supports a belief that I share with many in the integrative/holistic/mind and body medicine space, that our bodies are living records of our life experiences, we are our primary care doctors, and it’s ultimately up to us to choose and create lives that reflect our inner vitality and joy.

It’s been a culmination of several pivotal points over the years that have converged and gently nudged me, FINALLY, to share and invite you and others like us, who are at a similar crossroads, to explore aging in this online community.

Let’s hit pause, and take a peek behind the scenes for a moment . . .

As a child, I was fortunate to experience a deep connection with nature and healthy living. Summers spent on my grandparents’ farm in Alabama were filled with gathering eggs, feeding animals, and picking fresh vegetables. These experiences, and my dad’s insistence that we understand where our food came from, instilled in me a deep respect for nature and healthy eating. Our family garden and my dad’s job as a produce truck driver provided ongoing access to fresh fruits and veggies. These early experiences laid the foundation for my lifelong appreciation of nutritious food and respect for the natural world.

My journey into holistic health actually started when I faced my first major health challenge in my mid-20s. Diagnosed with S-curve scoliosis, I was told that I would NOT be able to walk by the time I turned 60. This punch in the gut led me to explore chiropractic care, which was considered quackery at the time. Despite skepticism from family and friends, I persisted and found chiropractic care the ‘just right’ solution that has helped me successfully manage my condition. I adjusted my food intake, and have since learned just how much our body reflects our experiences; it’s been eye-opening. I’m happy to report that I cleared that hurdle, and today I am strong, mobile, maintain good posture, my chiropractor is still part of my wellness team, and I’ve not looked back.

In my 30s, I faced another bump in the road: uterine fibroids. This diagnosis threw my life into a tailspin, but it also sparked a determination to find natural solutions to avoid surgery. I delved into research, adjusted my food intake (again) and incorporated supplements. When I eventually had to face the fact that I had to have a partial hysterectomy, my doctor credited my quick recovery, without blood transfusion or medication, to these proactive approaches.

These experiences, along with alternative approaches like acupuncture, reflexology, guided imagery and more, reinforced my belief in the power of holistic health practices. However, it’s only recently that I came to fully appreciate how deeply our mind, body, and spirit are connected.

Despite my history of navigating health issues through changes in diet and alternative approaches, a persistent sinus infection that resulted in some serious head sensitivity and pain became a turning point. Doctors left me frustrated, scared, and feeling unheard as they focused on alleviating symptoms with antibiotics and steroids, which led to heart palpitations, anxiety attacks and another round of medical input, but no answers.

This experience forced a necessary awakening. I realized I had been neglecting my mind/body/spirit connection. My meditation practice had dwindled, replaced by worry and anxiety. And, I was relying solely on doctors, ignoring my own body’s wisdom.

It was time to reconnect. I stopped relying on external solutions and took responsibility for my own well-being. I read all kinds of books related to holistic health, I started working with a health coach, recommitted myself to meditation, delved back into emotional regulation techniques, and moved my sleep time from midnight to 10pm. She appeared at just the right time; and provided the insight, listening ear, and support I needed.

She also tapped into my passion for health and wellness, and suggested I pursue health coaching. The idea caught me off guard, but resonated deeply. Here was the perfect blend of my life and career coaching experience now with a newfound holistic awareness and knowledge, allowing me to support others on their wellness journeys in a more comprehensive way. Excited about the possibilities, I immediately began creating my own curriculum and started researching holistic health coach certification programs.

The one thing that did catch my attention while working with an integrated medicine provider, was that my chi / qi / ki / prana was low, which totally made sense after months of uncertainty, anxiety, and poor sleep. A quick search suggested Tai Chi as a way to increase it, and I found a Body and Brain Yoga and Tai Chi center just minutes from my home. I signed up, dived in, and ten months later I feel SO good. I have a totally different relationship with my body. I definitely have a new mindset and purpose. And, I’m beyond words grateful that I found this community.

My quest has reminded me that true health is a harmonious balance of mind, body and spirit. It’s not just about eating right and exercising; it’s about nurturing all aspects of our being. Our bodies really are mirrors of our life experiences, reflecting the sum of our choices, thoughts, emotions, and connections.

As I embark on my second act, my approach is rooted in the wisdom gained from my childhood experiences, my personal health challenges, and my ongoing journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance.

My believe in the power of self-healing; natural, wholesome nutrition; mindful and intentional moment; strong social connections in community; and the crucial role of mental and spiritual well-being is unshakable, and my curiosity to continue learning in this space is insatiable.

It’s SO easy in our fast-paced world to lose touch with our true selves. We have to make our way back to wholeness. Together, we can explore the interconnectedness of mind, body, and spirit, and experiment with what’s the ‘right path’ for each of us (bio-individuality) to true health and well-being.

We can't keep looking at aging through the same old, tired, Western lens. With kindness and courage, we’ve got to push back against anyone who still expects us to live by those outdated, disrespectful standards about growing older.

Let’s embrace the wisdom of nature, the power of an optimistic mindset, the joy of movement, the benefits of the right kind of connections, and a purpose where we contribute and show up as our true selves so we can experience a well-lived and vibrant life.

Oh, and for emphasis, this Substack is NOT just about my adventures in aging holistically - I’m happy to share. I’ve already established that I’m curious, actually crazy curious, so I want to hear from you. What are you exploring, experimenting with, learning and adopting as part of your approach to longevity and vitality, to aging holistically?