so, i had a conversation recently with a passionate young lady, classified as a millennial. it was a short & fascinating chat about social media presence, influence, change & mindset, namely mine, as someone much older.

i shared that i really couldn’t care less about number of followers & that i was content with allowing my account to grow organically without focusing on any particular quantitative goal. I’m pretty sure her intention was to change my mind on this, so i listened to her case for why setting goals in this area is a good thing.

content: pleased and satisfied with what one has or is

as an on-the-fence-gen xer/baby boomer, i didn’t experience the Internet & social media platforms growing up, they didn’t dictate our existence (i typically claim under conversation duress the gen x label as i refuse to embrace baby boomer because my mom was a baby boomer - she had me at the tender age of 16).

average: being about midway between extremes

although gen zers are the true social media natives/digital natives having never known a world without social media platforms, millennials are also considered social media natives/digital natives since they were the first generation to adopt social media as youth.

enough: equal to the demands or needs

this simply means we see the world through different social & cultural lenses. most of the time i forget there are a few decades between us.

mediocre: of medium or low quality.

all of this made me wonder: why and how did caring so much about followers or becoming an influencer on social media, become the gold standard, leaving the rest of us slugs to navigate through life as ordinary, average, and mediocre, at best?

ordinary: of common quality, rank, or ability; neither good nor bad

first of all, that’s a hell of a lot of pressure, which is why (i’ve concluded) so many young people are stressed out, constantly competing for attention online, obsessed with how many “followers” they have, how many “likes” their posts get, and how to “blow up” or “go viral.” life is played out on a, basically, 6 ½” x 3” smart phone screen. being stressed out is actually on the lighter end of the emotionally & mentally unhealthy continuum, as it can get much worse.

simple: free from complexity or difficulty

i get it, it’s become the primary path to getting eyes on you & what you’re creating, selling, promoting, etc. like my previous substack on the subject of legacy, there’s the pressure to do something that gets you noticed, that changes the world, always striving for that next - big hairy audacious goal (BHAG), stretch goal, north star goal, transformational goal - the idea is to keep improving yourself.

i don’t remember my parents or hearing stories about their parents or stories about their parents constantly striving for the next big goal, always obsessing about how to improve themselves. they were focussed on acquiring what they needed to navigate through each day.

life was simpler, yes & i wonder: is there something wrong with that?

i would argue that life under the canopy of constant goal setting is what’s at the heart of this persistent stress level, anxiety, depression & other mental & emotional challenges.

i partner, daily, with clients from teens to retirees & beyond & guess who shares more about experiencing anxiety, stress, overwhelm, burnout, imposter syndrome & pressure to perform at a high level, millennials and gen zers. don’t get me wrong, every generation experiences the above in some form, especially in today’s workplaces, it’s just human, but i’m spotlighting who most often expresses having heightened challenges in these areas.

shortly after this convo while catching up on email, the article, mediocrity is meaningful: the case for living an average life, dropped into my inbox. i saw the title, smiled & thought “how timely,” then i dived in. i like this article.

now, i’m contemplating what IS average, what IS enough, what IS mediocre, what IS simple, what IS ordinary, what IS being content, who gets to decide, why do they get to decide & what’s wrong with any or all of these concepts or ways of being?

i suppose this touched a nerve because, ultimately, this is a personal decision, one that needn’t be judged or critiqued by anyone who is only privy to what they observe & are privileged to know. we have no clue about anyone’s internal life accept our own & in many cases, that could probably be questioned.

so, isn’t it up to that person to decide what kind of life they want to create without being judged, ostracized, constantly questioned, or pressured to feel guilty or less than.

personally, i have an insatiable desire to learn, grow & shift, but that’s me. are we all wired in this way? apparently not. are the differences in how we’re wired always evident? no. do these differences mean something is wrong? no, it just means we’re wired differently.

It’s up to us as individuals to decide what kind of life we want to create & how we go about doing so.

and, it is possible to build a life full of happiness & purpose without wanting to change the world.

perhaps it’s just a matter of how we interpret all of this. is being average, content with what you have & who you are, deciding what’s enough, being OK with mediocrity, accepting the ordinary & living a simple life a bad thing, or just a choice we’re all empowered to make?

i don’t know about you, but i’m all about respecting each one’s choice to do with their gift of life whatever they choose. i’m talking about adults, here, with free will & agency. if you’re not harming anyone (which doesn’t include the mental & emotional discomfort some may experience while observing someone’s choices) you get to choose the life that’s the right fit for you.

going back to the article, i’m totally aligned with the perspective it takes, “we’re offering a different perspective on the concept — the idea that your impact on others and your value to the world can be exceptional even if they don’t involve hitting high societal benchmarks.”

it’s about freeing yourself from comparison & the opinions & judgements of others. your value is not up for debate; you have nothing to prove to anyone.

“an average life can still be a magnificent one.” this seems to be in the eye of the beholder, eh?

just my scribbles in the margins . . .

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jay shetty posted the following on his Instagram on june 15th. just over a couple of weeks prior, on may 26, 2025, he gave the commencement speech at princeton university and referenced it. i’ve CAPITALIZED the words i want to emphasize as part of this scribble in the margins.

if you do what YOU want, they’ll misunderstand you.

if you do what THEY want, they’ll misunderstand you.

if you speak up, you’re TOO MUCH.

if you STAY QUIET, you’re distant.

if you set boundaries, you’re SELFISH.

if you don’t, you’re a DOORMAT.

if you succeed, you’ve CHANGED.

if you STRUGGLE you’re not doing enough.

if you show emotion, you’re DRAMATIC.

if you don’t, you’re COLD.

if you WALK AWAY, you’re the villain.

if you stay, they’ll keep CROSSING THE LINE.

the truth: you’ll be misunderstood NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO.

so you might as well be misunderstood for DOING WHAT YOU LOVE.

isn’t it weird how we all get stuck in the belief that it’s just us who has to deal with this? EVERYONE feels misunderstood OFTEN. i felt misunderstood at least five times before noon today.

in our own homes, at work, at play, when we’re exchanging money for services, i don’t think there’s one place we find ourselves where we aren’t misunderstood.

so why do we get all bent out of shape when this happens? why do we keep going round and round as human beings about this?

as a life and career coach, i partner with people on a daily basis who feel misunderstood about what they want to contribute for compensation. they’re anxious, uncertain, afraid to say what they really want, they hesitate to explain themselves for fear of being shut down, and they stay miserable because they don’t want to be misunderstood.

same in the workplace. we interact with others who have expectations of us. we dance around the truth, fail to state what is and then feel misunderstood after making this choice.

same in our relationships. we argue, share our opinions, over explain, get frustrated, curse, throw shade, refuse to listen in protest, [fill in the blank].

i’m as guilty as anyone. and, i’m trying to shift this crap.

is there a remedy? I think it’s acceptance, love, and conscious choice.

accept that we all are misunderstood multiple times per day. and, when we feel misunderstood, consider the source and if it’s warranted, just say that so it can be addressed instead of pouting, complaining, and being a victim.

lovingly communicate well with those who deserve those extra words and time. and, when we struggle to communicate well, be vulnerable and share that we’re wrestling with the words that will get our message across, and humbly ask for their listening ear and be willing to provide ours.

in those cases when we don’t have a listening ear from someone who we desperately want to understand us but instead they choose to judge, dismiss, hold on to their misunderstanding, fill in the gaps with their version of the story, [fill in the blank], just accept it, and as mel robbins so simply states in her latest book, “let them” then “let me [you]” decide our next ‘just right’ step and move forward.

consciously choose what the next ‘just right’ step is for you. will that mean you’ll be misunderstood? absolutely. but you have to keep moving forward, consciously living “your life,” the next best version of it. moving forward is not dependent on whether we are understood by others or not. we’re all born with a purpose and the permission and power to choose what lights us up!

we have to be OK with being misunderstood for what we said, what we did, what we desire to do, what we love to do. the alternative is simply a waist of our precious time, energy, effort and resources.

is this easy? NO. is it possible? ABSOLUTELY.

there’s so much more to unpack from his words above, but i’ll end here knowing that this entire post will be misunderstood.

just my scribbles in the margins . . .

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